I wanna say it out loud but my brain numbs. May be if I cried it out, spit it out i wouldnt feel that empty. They say rebound helps. No it does not. Being with someone who smells different, who kisses different is painful. I hate to hate as much as I love. I hate being able to hate. I hate that there are so much hate in one paragraph. What if i could turn time back, what if could say something different, what if i could be just able to start everything from the beginning. I was walking home talking to God. I never got any answers, always simple monolog, left with decision making process one on one. Why do we love someone who loves to brake our heart? Why even understanding things we can’t change the way we perceive them? There is certain amount of tears for each person. Remember, when a friend of mine died i was crying the whole day, mixed it with some alcohol as it was shock. But then was a moment when I just could not anymore. I felt guilty and a bit ashamed. I was pushing myself to cry. The most weird, now i don’t remember that pain. Guess, our brain has a blocking function. So basically I know that one day this pain will be forgotten, so I can slow down on torturing myself. May be its a Scorpios’ thing, to burn till the end to be reborn from ashes. And to that someone special to me, I want to wish at least once in a lifetime to feel what i have felt: simply love.
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