some thoughts...

Autumn has not yet come, but my mood starts changing. I was born in autumn. I am a child of grey sky and raining days. There are only couple of people I can talk to and they completely understand me. May be cuz we were born with a difference of one day. There are so many things I'd love to share, but life abroad taught me to be on my own, to deal with things on my own. Well, people usually deal together with a shrink, I do on my own.  I close the doors, the curtains and stay in for a couple of days. I dont want people to see me in this mood. My wound on the leg  has not healed yet and I cannot walk much. My ITunes Playlist is full of Sigur Ros and Craig Armstrong. Yesterday a friend dropped by. Actually she is staying with me for a while till she figures out what to do with her broken relationship. She was fighting on the phone with someone, crying afterwards. I was trying to comfort her, but she said I had never gone through the stuff she had to go through. True. I have my own stuff. We all have something we have to deal with. And when you see people smiling and pretending to be happy, that doesnt mean that they are happy. We all come home, close the door and immediately become who we are. I dont need people to see my weakness. Someone wakes up with the thought how to survive the day and feed his  family. But some people wake up having everything, but they are so lost or, moreover, have some sickness that impossible to treat. And we cannot compare. Its just different. I guess the most important thing is that you know that you are strong enough to deal with whatever God sends you. Yes, you have to be strong for someone who is not.
Ya napisal eto dlya tebya:

Tvoe otrajenie-sploshnie slezi,
Tvoe nastroenie-osen,
Vihodi spryatani za listvoi,
Nebo zatyanuto strannimi tuchami.

Plach! Pust veter razneset tvoi slezi po pustinyam!
Ih slabost'-tvoya sila.
Plach! Kak v poslednii raz!
Potomu chto zavtra tak ne budet.
Zavtra budet inache.
I ti narisuew den' cvetnoi kraskoi.